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  #121 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 12:38 PM
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Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different place: Idaho, Nebraska, Texas, and Mexico.

Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window. "What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.
"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window. "What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Texas
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the gal from Texas opened the car door and pushed
the Mexican out.
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
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  #122 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 12:39 PM
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An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"


The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began.


"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang,bang'.


Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.


The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
Thanks for looking.
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  #123 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 12:41 PM
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A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with
his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son
saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now because
this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses
on the train because we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and told her son,"We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there
for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to
use nice language."

Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers, please
remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you
will ride with us again soon."

She heard her little darling continue, "For those of you just boarding, remember,
there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing
journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added,"For those of you who are pissed
off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!"
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
Thanks for looking.
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  #124 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 12:41 PM
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Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good : Your wife's not talking to you
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.

Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.

Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.

Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.

Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.

Good : You just gave "the birds and the bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting...
Ugly : With corrections

Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.

Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
Thanks for looking.
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  #125 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 12:45 PM
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Is your mouse calibrated?

You should do this every few days. More often if you spend a lot of time on computer. I was shocked to see that this works!


To re-calibrate your mouse, click and hold on the Y below. Then drag the Y toward the g. If it doesn't work, you might want to clean your mouse.


Your a dumb ass, You'll believe anything

Don't take it to heart.
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
Thanks for looking.
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  #126 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 12:46 PM
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Thats enough for now.
maybe more later.
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
Thanks for looking.
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  #127 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 06:32 PM
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Little red

Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the woods to grandmas house walking walking she gets to the house and knocks on the door. The big bad wolf answers the door takes a look at red and tells her I'm going to fuck you like you never been fucked before. Red says listen here asshole I read the book and youre gonna eat me just like it says in the story
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  #128 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 06:44 PM
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Q: How do you circumcise a southern boy
A: kick his sister in the chin

Q: How can you tell when a hooker is full
A: runny nose

A blonde girl goes to the gynecologist to get a checkup it's taking quite a long time and she asks the doctor if there is a problem, he says you have acute vaginitis. She says thank you very much.

If a southern man and woman get a divorce are they still brother and sister.
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  #129 (permalink)  
Old 11-20-2006, 08:22 AM
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WORLD WAR III IS COMING
President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a
Real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?


Why kill a blonde with big tits?"


Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you,
No one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims".
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
Thanks for looking.
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  #130 (permalink)  
Old 11-20-2006, 09:55 AM
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A couple were invited to a swanky family masked Fancy
dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible
headache and told her husband to go to the party
alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and
go to bed and there was no need for his good time to
be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and
away he went.



The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour,
woke without pain and as it was still early, decided
to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what
her costume was, she thought she would have some fun
by watching her husband to see how he acted when she
was not with him. So she joined the party and soon
spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around
on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he
could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss
there.



His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and
devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he
wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After
more drinks he finally he whispered a little
proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they
went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse
in the back seat.



Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away
and went home and put the costume away and got into
bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make
up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up
reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of
time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never
have a good time when you're not there. "Then she
asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell
you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there,
I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went
into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that
costume playing poker all night!" she said with
unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied,
"Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently
he had the time of his life."
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  #131 (permalink)  
Old 11-28-2006, 08:48 AM
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This May Come As A Surprise To Those Of You Not Living In Las Vegas, But There Are More Catholic Churches Than Casinos.

Not Surprisingly, Some Worshippers At Sunday Services Will Give Casino Chips Rather Than Cash When The Basket Is Passed.

Since They Get Chips From Many Different Casinos, The Churches Have Devised A Method To Collect The Offerings.

The Churches Send All Their Collected Chips To A Nearby Franciscan Monastery For Sorting And Then The Chips Are Taken To The Casinos Of Origin And Cashed In.

This Is Done By The Chip Monks.
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
Thanks for looking.
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  #132 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2006, 08:29 AM
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SEX WITH GEORGE BURNS......

>When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.

>Oprah asked," Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much
energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable."

>Mr. Burns said, "I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it."

>Oprah said, "I understand you still do the sex thing,
even at your age."
>
George said, "Of course I still do the sex thing, and
I am quite good at it."

>Oprah said, "I have never been with an older man,
would you do it with me?"

>So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, "I
just don't believe I have ever been so satisfied. You are a remarkable man."

>George said, "The second time is even better than the
first time."

>Oprah said, "You can really do it again at your age?"

>George said, "Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You
hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes."

>When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and
Oprah was beside herself with joy. She said, "Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the
first time."

>George said that the third time would be even better.
"You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me in thirty minutes."

>Oprah said, "Does me holding you like that kind of
recharge your batteries?"



>George said, "No, but the last time I had sex with a
black woman she stole my wallet!"
__________________
2005 BDM Chopper and a 1980 80" Customized Shovelhead.

Never argue with a moron, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I like my bikes to look ridden and my tools to look used.


www.ShadetreesMachineShop.com
Thanks for looking.
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  #133 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2006, 09:37 PM
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An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's' rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and
feet.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN,
DON'T YOU EVER STOP??!!"
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  #134 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2006, 09:38 PM
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Well Trained little Girl

(You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make)

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out
Of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"

The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a
tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

The teacher got a coughing fit and had to leave the room!
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  #135 (permalink)  
Old 12-01-2006, 12:09 PM
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A young man goes to a whorehouse to expierence his first taste of sex. The madam suggests that he start with 69. He decides to give it a try.

The prostitute leads him to a room, gets undressed, and instructs the young man to eat her pussy. Unfortunately, just as he starts she farts. The man quietly says to himself, "phew", but he goes down on her again. A moment later she farts again. He says "phew", but continues.

Once more she farts. This time he immediately gets up and starts walking out. She asks him what's wrong, and he replies "I don't think I can take another 66 of those!"

------

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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